I’ve finally put the finger on why John’s ‘She wasn’t supposed to be like that’ made me feel so uneasy everytime.
It seems to me - and I could be wrong - that he chose her because she seemed to be the perfect middle-class wife; Mary Morstan is a nurse, she’s funny, caring, smart, loving… The perfect wife, right?
And John fell in love with this identity, he fell in love with what she represented: a normal life, a life within the norms, within what is considered acceptable by society, and doesn’t involve running around with his ‘sociopath’ of a flatmate.
It doesn’t work like that. You can’t only love the image of someone, you need to love the person with their good and bad sides.
That’s why I think Sherlock and Mary are mirror images of each other. But John loves what Sherlock really is, while he loves what Mary represents.
Total agreement with all of this. Which is why the argument that John somehow subconsciously chose her for her bad side makes no sense to me. He literally specifically chose her because she represented everything normal, everything not Sherlock, not because he knew on some hidden level that she was the opposite of that. John is not clairvoyant, John did not sense Mary’s danger. John chose her because he wanted to be in love with what he thought he she was.
completely agree. the very fact that he chose mary at a time when he needed nothing more than to forget sherlock is a good indication in itself. he wasn’t only grieving the man, he was grieving his life with him.
this is why i’ve been thinking, it’s not that they’re both that way because john chose them. quite the opposite. it’s that they’re so similar that they were both drawn to john. it’s not what john needed that drew him to them; it’s the other way around… aaanyway…